The Fred Flees the Scene

We made a trip to Target today to return some items and purchase a few more. The Fred is a big fan of the carts with the two seats at the front, so we found one for her to ride in as soon as we pulled into the parking lot. After I strapped in The Fred, I decided to let SweetBoy ride in his car seat on top of the cart (this way he is out of the line of fire when The Fred starts pitching a fit and throwing punches...which is almost a guarantee if we are in public).

After I finished picking up the few items I needed, we proceeded to the express checkout lane. Usually, this is The Fred's favorite part of a shopping trip...putting the items on the checkout belt, pushing all of the buttons on the credit card machine, making friends with the cashier, and telling her life story to everyone standing in line behind us. Today, The Fred had other plans...

Once I had finished unloading the items we were purchasing, another Target employee asked me if we had dropped a bottle a few rows back. Of course, it was ours...The Fred had chucked it...she then stated, "I threw it...it went far, far away!" Why am I not surprised? As I stepped forward to retrieve the bottle, The Fred put her plans into action...

From behind me, I hear, "Momma, I'm out!" What? What do you mean? (...spinning around in horror...) And she's off! Running at full speed...through the automatic doors at the exit...onto the sidewalk...around the corner...

"STOOOOP," I scream, but it is no use. Alright Mom, think quick....abandon SweetBoy at checkout line and piss off all customers in line behind us...or...take off in a mad dash after The Fred and beat her relentlessly while avoiding store cameras...

As I take off after her, here she comes around the corner...being carried like a sack of potatoes by a woman (another mother, of course) that grabbed her just as she rounded the corner. As we made eye contact, she said, "I would be willing to bet that this is yours." "Yes, but I think the saying is 'finders, keepers,'" I reply. We both get a good laugh out of it, and she hands over The Fred. Looks like someone won't be going to the park today after all...